California Dreams Quotes

Season One
Mother & Child Reunion

Jenny: Well you see....please it would really help things alot if you wouldn't if you wouldn't smile
(Tiffani tries to not to smile but can't help it)
Jenny: Tiffani!
Tiffani: I'm sorry I can't help it my face is naturally smiley

Sly: All those who's mothers ran away ten years ago never to be heard from again please raise your hand
(Tiffani raises her hand and Sly puts it back down)
Sly: Not so fast there
All: Sly!

Season Two

The Sly That Came To Dinner

Jake: Don't touch it!
Tony: Why! Why!
Jake: Mom and yummy don't rhyme...what rhymes with mom?
All: BOMB!
Jake: Alright everybody stay cool, don't panic
Tony: AHH!! (he runs away)
Matt: Where is that low life Sly
Jake: Don't ask questions just turn on the sink, just turn on the sink!
Matt: Why am I doing this?! Why am I doing this?
Tiffani: Congratulations Jake, you just diffused a box of chocolate bon bons.

Surfboards & Cycles

Sly: Ok Tony, the two by the stove are yours, the three by the sink are mine, and uh Matt,
you get the two with the braces.
Matt: Why do I get the ones with the braces?
Tony: Because, you're such a nice guy who isn't hung up with superficial things like looks.
Matt: Oh yeah. (after thinking for a second) Oh man.

Tiffani: Well, you could tighten this bolt for me.
Jake: Righty tighty. (in a quiet voice)
Tiffani: What? What did you say?
Jake: Nothing.
Tiffani: Yes you did. You said righty tighty.

Jake: Oh please. Don't be ridiculous

Matt: You guys will never believe it, I saw Jake and Tiffani-
Sam: Kissing, smooching, making out, canoodle city, woah mama!
Matt: Thanks a lot Sam, that was my story!
Sam: I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself, my brain wanted to let you tell them, but my mouth just wouldn't.

Sly: Face it Jake she's turning you into mushy man
(Jake shoves Sly head in a cake)
Jake: Still think I'm mushy man
Sly: Absolutely before Tiffani you would have shoved candles up my nose and lit them

Matt: You guys will never believe it, Jake and Tiffani-
Sam: Got engaged! Diamond City, the big M baby!
Matt: Ha! I just told you that because I knew you'd interrupt me again!
Sam: You've got a mean streak Matt!

Bwa Ha Ha Means I Love You

Tiffani: Honey where's your earring?
Jake and Tony at the same time
Jake: It fell down the drain!
Tony: The dog ate it!
Jake: What I meant, what really happened is, it fell down the drain...and the plumbers dog got it out and accidentally swallowed it.
Tiffani: The Plumbers dog?
Tony: Yeah, maybe you've heard of him, Rudolph Rover?
Tiffani: Jake you don't have to tell me if you don't want to
Jake: Thanks hun.

Indecent Promposal

Tiffani: So what do we do now
Jake: I dunno we could just pretend the whole thing never happened
Tiffani: Could you do that
(Jake shakes his head)
Tiffani: I love you Jake
Jake: I love you too
Jake: But I just can't shake the image of you kissing him i
Tiffani: I'm sorry
Jake: Me too
Tiffani: I don't want to lose you
Jake: I can't help it that's just the way I am
Tiffani: I guess we're breaking up then huh?
(Jake nods and they hug)

Season Four

My Valentine

Jake: This is kinda cool, huh?
Tiffani: Yeah, we love each other so much we sacrificed our most special possessions.

The Dateless Game

Lorena: "Well, tomorrow's the big day! If you and Jake get through it you'll break your old dating record.
Tiff: "Lorena don't talk about it! Oh, knock on wood (knocks on table, knocks on Lorena's head) I don't want anything to jinx it. Where's salt. Ahh..(throws salt behind her)
Lorena: "Right. But you got to admit it's pretty cool. 3 months and 2 days without breaking up even once."
Tiff: "Well I love Jake a whole lot."
(Jake walks in Sharkeys)
Jake: "Hey!"
Tiff: "Get away from me!"
Jake: "I love you too. Hey it's not like we're going to break up if we spend some time together but why take a chance?"
Tony: "I can't believe you. You're being superstitious, no no you're being stupidsticious."

Tony: Well I know another charity that needs help, the "save Jake's butt fund."
Jake: Hey, I know Tiffani's not going to be thrilled, but we have a trusting relationship, I'll just be honest.
Sly: Ha!
Tony: You can be honest all you want, but if you go out with that other girl, you're gonna be a contestant on a new game show, "dump the chump." So Tiffani, Jake is dating another girl, what do you say? "I say, dump the chump!"
Jake: Tiff I can explain -

Tony: Sorry Jake you lose, however we do have some nice parting gifts!

Lorena: Tonight's very important to Tiff, she wants it to be just perfect.
Jake: So I suppose canceling it would be a bad thing.
Sam: That depends. Would you consider removing your motorcycle from your nose a bad thing?

Sly: You're in trouble now. And you thought you were so cool for having two chicks.
Tony: He never thought it was cool.
Sly: Oh right, that was me.

Jake: Let's sit by the window... 'Cuz the seafood will smell... seafood-ier.

Sly: Hey Seashell, you left your light on... on, on... your surfboard!
Girl: You have a light on your board?!
Jake: Uh, yeah, for night surfing.
Girl: Wow... where do you plug it in?

Jake: A headlight on my surfboard?!
Sly: Hey it's not like I had a script! 

Jake: Sorry I took so long... I got lost in the... parking lot.
Girl: Oh I hate when that happens!

Jake: Tiff. Wait. Listen. Water, water.....
(Sly drinks the last of the water in the bottle and hands it to Jake who then tries to catch the water drops)
Sly: Hey Jake, I didn't know you jogged.
Jake: I don't, but I should. I've been following Tiffani trying to get her to listen to me.
Tiff: I did an extra six miles on purpose.
(Everyone says good job)
Sam: Tiffani, I know that your upset but look at him.
Tiff: Fine, I'm listening.
Jake: Thanks. Look I had to go on that date Tiff. It was for charity. I am sorry I made you so mad honey.
Tiff: You think I'm mad!?!
Jake: Well, maybe just a little.
Tiff: Ugh. When we first got back together you asked me not to hurt you. But what about me? Loves a two way street you know.
Jake: Yeah, I know. We just jogged down it. Look Tiff I'm sorry. I should have blown off the other date.
Tiff: Oh, you are so clueless. I am not hurt that you two timed me!
Sly: Now why can't I find a girl like that?
Tiff: I'm hurt because you didn't think that I would understand your commitment. And if you don't think you can tell me the truth then you don't know me.
Jake: That's not true. I just didn't know that part of you but I do no so I will never do it again.
Tiff: You got that right bucko.
Jake: Tiff!
Tony: Hey, hey. You know what you two are going through is something all couples go through but don't worry there is a simple solution.
Jake: What? Like a relationship counselor?
Tony: No! We'll play a dating game!

Tony: Come on Jake! Having more than one is how you got here in the first place.
Jake: This is dumb, man. You can't know a person by asking them a few stupid questions. You know them through experience. I know you Tiffani. I know your stomach is tied in knots right now because you hate playing games. I know you're hurt because of what I did and if you know me you'd know how bad I feel about it and that I would rather die then hurt you again. I guess I lost.
Tiff: Where you going?
Jake: I don't know but wherever it is I'm not jogging there.
Jake: I'm sorry Tiff. I'm sorry for not giving you credit for being able to accept the truth.
Tiff: I know. So we got some work to do.
Jake: What? Like getting to know each other better?
Tiff: No, like breaking our new record.
Tony: Well, it looks like we have a winner!

Season Five

Stand By Your Man

Jake: One, two...
Tiff: I get it now.
Jake: We're going to take a break.
Sly: We didn't even start yet!

Jake: Go ahead I'm listening.
Tiff: Jake, I'm sorry, I understand that it wasn't about losing your job and I...
Jake: I can't believe you spied on me. And sure Mel is pretty and we worked a lot of late nights but you gotta trust me. So, go ahead I'm listening.
Tiff: You're right. I didn't trust you and I'm s...
Jake: And I know you're sorry and you feel bad. But you gotta accept the fact that there will be other people in our lives. You know, maybe a bunch of tanned surfers in yours, maybe some pretty girls in mine. But you gotta know, you're the only girl for me, I love you Tiff...
Jake: So go ahead I'm listening.
Tiff: There's nothing left to say. You're right, everything you said is right.
Jake: And?
Tiff: And I love you too and I'm sorry.

Senior Prom

Lorena: I bet on Jake and Tiffani, because them losing to you guys (Tony and Sam) is like Romeo and Juliet losing to Betty and Barney Rubble
Sam and Tony give dirty looks
Sly: And I bet on Sam and Tony, because nobody's going to vote for you guys (Jake and Tiffani) after what happened at the junior prom. Remember that? That was actually pretty funny! (laughs)
Jake and Tiffani give him scary looks, and everyone else shakes their heads.
Sly: Not funny at all!

Jake: You'll always be my prom queen, Tiffani

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